The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove

Mavis first began augmenting her parts in the fifties, first out of vanity: breasts, eyelashes, hair. Later, as she aged and the concept of maintenance eluded her, she began having parts replaced as they failed, until almost half of her body weight was composed of stainless steel (hips, elbows, shoulders, finger joints, rods fused to vertebrae five through twelve), silicon wafers (hearing aids, pacemaker, insulin pump), advanced polymer resins (cataract replacement lenses, dentures), Kevlar fabric (abdominal wall reinforcement), titanium (knees, ankles), and pork (ventricular heart valve).

The town psychiatrist has decided to switch everybody in Pine Cove, California, from their normal antidepressants to placebos, so naturally—well, to be accurate, artificially—business is booming at the local blues bar. Trouble is, those lonely slide-guitar notes have also attracted a colossal sea beast named Steve with, shall we say, a thing for explosive oil tanker trucks. Suddenly, morose Pine Cove turns libidinous and is hit by a mysterious crime wave, and a beleaguered constable has to fight off his own gonzo appetites to find out what's wrong and what, if anything, to do about it.

Turns out that Ms. Valerie Riordan. Pine Cove's local--and only--psychiatrist has taken everyone off their anti-depressants after the death of one of her patients. Val feels as if she is over-prescribing these medications and wants to be free of the shackles of pharmacology. The problem is, though, now everyone in town is a horn-dog and jumping each other's bones like a prarrie dog with a harem.

A Giant Sea Beast, prone to mood swings, lives in the deep water channel of the Monterey Bay. Turns out, he's a Lust Lizard. Whenever horny folk are about, he get's...well...a bit excited himself and wants a human snack.

Molly Michon, a washed-up B-movie actress, is one of Val's patients and when she comes off her meds, her brain chemistry goes out of whack. The Lust Lizard, now on land, finds Molly strangely attractive and a sexual encounter with a motorized weed-whacker soon ensues.

From bionic women, to blues men without the blues, I laughed myself silly reading this. My girlfriend nudged me whenever I giggled in bed, causing the mattress to shake while she tried to nod off for the night. "Stop it!" she'd say.

"I can't help it! This is so damn funny."

And you'll feel the same way. A story that comes together masterfully. Chris Moore is "Da Man."

A+ rating


The Best Chris Moore Book   October 23, 2005
The Spinozanator (Waco, Texas)
4 out of 4 found this review helpful


Although mostly fantasy, Moore frequently injects excerpts from current science - when the friendly "sea monster" predator gets close to his prey, he exudes a pheromone chemical which hypnotizes his victims into a range of strange behaviors - varying from loss of normal vigilance to charismatic attraction to extreme horniness. Two of the above three are used by parasites in real life in their efforts to gain entry into their next host. Meanwhile, we are treated to stereotyped outlandish human behavior described in hilarious fashion:

"So Catfish strolled a rolling Delta moonwalk of a stroll (redolent of sassafras and jive) into Pine Cove Drug and Gift, and the four blue-haired chicken women behind the counter nearly tumbled over each other trying to get to the back room. Imagine it: a person of the Dark persuasion in their midst. What if he should ask for a vial of Afro-Sheen or some other ethnically oriented product with which they were totally unfamiliar? Why, the smoke alarms would melt, screaming like dying witches, when their collective minds steamed to a stop. Do we look like thrill-seekers? Wasn't it enough that we had to put up that sign reading NO HABLO ESPANOL and acknowledge the existence of 30% of the population, even in the negative? No, we shall err on the side of safety, thank you, and in lieu of sand in which to bury our heads, we shall head to the back room...Catfish leaned over the counter to where he could see the row of eyes peering out of the crack and said, 'I be back in a few minutes my own self, ladies. I needs some medicine what can help me with this huge black d--k I has to carry around. The weight of it like to break my back...'"
Winston turned and scowled at Catfish. "Was that really necessary?"
"A man gots to look after his reputation," Catfish said.

This is my 3rd Moore book, and I enjoy his style. His character development is excellent, if a little earthy, and one grows to appreciate the extravagant neurotic nuances of each personality. There is only one (albeit large) reality stretch, involving the discovery of the main character, a sort of dinosaur. He has the already above mentioned interesting ability to attract victims when he is hungry (all the time), and when necessary can camouflage himself. I was right up there with him as he changed colors with the forest environment, but definitely surprised when he managed to fit right in amongst a bunch of mobile homes. The high point of the book occurred when he was sexually attracted to a gasoline carrying 18-wheeler.

Highly recommended for the Chris Moore enthusiast.


Drive-by post modern expressionism lives!   March 18, 1999
Justine Faulkenburg
3 out of 3 found this review helpful

Okay, I'm not done with the book yet, but I'm enjoying it *way* too much to pass up a chance for a review. Read the book and you'll understand my one-line summary! My mom and I have been trading back and forth liners from Lust Lizzard that we've thought are worth laughing over together even if we aren't reading this book at the same pace (she let me know that she's already done with it as of today, but with little kids and all I'm only half-way through). Christopher Moore has done a brilliant job in all of his books in making the reader laugh and also, if not more importantly, consider where we are coming from and where we might go - Cyote Blue is the best example of this. Lust Lizzard is probably his funniest work yet, if not only for his one-liners. I'm sure there is a message that I'll get, but right now I'm having too much fun reading it. Ultimately, he offers a different reality, thought-provoking, fun, and a great break from our everyday world.